blog for behind the scene shiz and other doodads
apologies for weird paragraph formatting
12/1/25 22:50
i would say that being a musician is considered a 'job' or like a lifestyle or anything stupid
like i wouldnt base my whole life around being a music person. i tried that like a year ago and
it ended up being very cliched and dumb. when i strayed away from it, it seemed like the life was
ripped out of me at the time, because to other people i was some music person guy who just seemed
invested and interested in music, no other interesting caveats to my person. but after i strayed
away from that personality it seemed very odd to me and only me, like my band for example even if i
was the frontman i got the least amount of attention (narcisscist!!!!), thats why i slowly but surely
strayed away from people themselves. at first i though "this is dumb, i need friends in life anyway"
but that model changed heavily into november, i turned into some lonerist castaway who resented company
because 'friends got in the way'. when i asked my friend about it, they said i was just overthinking it
but honestly i dont think i am, i think because of the one year age gap between me and most of my friends
my maturity and image just overshadows me and i want it to be that way (my father also says this to me alot
although his form of it is more catered to him, like maoism to socialism). so then december i tried being a
complete hermit, neglecting to talk to anyone at ALL. it only took 3 weeks for me to eventually cave in and
start talking to people again. 3 weeks into december was my japan trip. i sort of took that trip as a sabbatical
alongside general geeky nerd fun that only like 1 of my friends will get, therefore when i came back i didnt
present or show anything i bought from japan to my friends (except my shoes
but of course theyd understand that). but basically my whole reason of resentment toward friendships is basically
'no one will listen or follow me, so ill do my own thing and nobody can or will comment nor crticise'. sad i know.
22/9/24 21:22
i have zero reason for my random hiatus (i did it in august and here i
am again finally writing something on this website. the past month ive been
doing NOT been doing stuff for the album cos instead i opted to take a break for
two months from here and songwriting schmutz. instead ive been playing a minecraft smp,
socialising properly, rarely playing games (now its factorio) and just absorbing black mirror
from my puter machine. another fair excuse is the fact i got the flu TWICE in the month of
september, one before my birthday and one on the 19th, and i feel like ive been slowly
but surely developing tuberculosis as my body decided "hey lets bleed from both nostrils"
alongside blood occasionally pooling in the back of my throat. enough about my dying state
ive postponed the album, me being the lazy man i am, to about next year since the amount
of gear i needed for the album is slowly coming in (my pedal will arrive next month) and
recently i had a horrible attempt on trying to program drums, which inevitably made me quit for
like a week, until about a few hours ago (around 5pm or 4) when i had the bright idea to chain both
of my mixers to get super duper delay and reverb which turned out extremely well. by october ill pump
out a publicly available demo of the album (of which 4 out of 7 tracks are done, the unfinished ones
adding up to about 40 minutes or so) and thats it. my whole 2 month break done in one large uncut paragraph
written on 2/7/24 18:03 but posted 11/7/24
alrighty so halfway through my hiatus i turn out to be stuck on a plane for six hours (and im typing this 3/4s the way there).
originally i had the idea of passing out for the next three hours then i got woken up by the airline people (i forgot their names)
running the aisles for everyone’s seatbelt, now im stuck in turbulence watching ryan trahan’s penny series for the next 2 hours.
great flight anyway the food (surprisingly) was great but the soy sauce was ow. ill be landing back in my home country next monday
so ill have six days of japan to fufill (and i can barely last like what 3 days away from home not even in another country).
oh and i had a dream about the plane being hijacked and got scared by an imaginary gunshot during ‘only in dreams’ by weezer ok buh bye.
i also got a whole row to myself
11/6/24 22:24
ok so ive been working behind the scenes (more like 2 weeks ago) to
make a whole other album that isnt electronically based or recorded do
it yourself style (except my mixer peaks a tonne but hey, it adds). and
at some point during that two week period, i somehow managed to pump out
4 songs and started writing another (i completely forgot about adding to
it) mini noise opera. and then i made a rushed single like 4 days ago
,which RUSHED is literally proof for the beginning of writers block.
fortunately, school caved in and exams overstressed me causing an actual
crash and burn in my head (well temporarily, of course). and then and then
the last two weeks of school happen to be RIGHT FUCKING NOW, so now i have
more stuff to plan for the summer holidays, potential last minutes ideas that
flip into my head and never get executed and finally japan. oh did i mention
japan? im going to japan for like 5 days (hoping to get some equipment for general
fuckery at home) and five days in japan may be like "hey why are YOU complaining,
japans a great place." but five days is a VERY long time in my head. add on jetlag
scheduling, having to sit in a plane for like 12 hours and backpain (why backpain)
all adding up to, unable to write music and being drained for two weeks or so
the only good thing i get is equipment, footage and cds. ok bye my hands hurt after
typing for 30 minutes.